


Mechanisms of Discipline - English Translation

by Pureblood_Slytherin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Cheunh Language (Star Wars), F/M, The Chiss society isn't an ideal society after all, Thrawn doesn't believe in relationships, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 14:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21017207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pureblood_Slytherin/pseuds/Pureblood_Slytherin
Summary: During first contact with the Chiss, Maris is pretending to be a man. This, of course, arouses Commander Thrawn's curiosity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coffeeberry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeberry/gifts).
  * A translation of [Mechanisms of Discipline](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237957) by [coffeeberry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeberry/pseuds/coffeeberry). 

**Mechanisms of Discipline**

**Chapter 1**

"Why does this Mitthrawdo want to meet you _alone_?" Maris already heard the accusation in Qennto's voice. "Is he going to question all of us now, or just _you_?"

"Maybe he wants to question each of us at a time and then compare our testimonies," Car'das suggested. "And he simply wants Maris to be the first."

He had to be careful not to slip up while talking, especially when it came to personal pronouns. After all, someone might overhear their conversation and figure out that - Maris was, indeed, a woman - and then the aliens would probably wonder why they had lied to them: why they pretended that the_ Bargain Hunter_ had three _male_ crew-members. And if they had been caught lying once, the Chiss might as well start questioning everything they said.

"Okay, but why _him_?" Dubrak was suspicious to the point of exaggeration. "I can't shake of the feeling that the Commander suspects something."

"I don't think so," Jorj said. "He probably just chose the weakest one to begin with. It's logical. Intimidating Maris would be the easiest."

Ferasi let out an angry snort.

“Thanks a lot.”

She had only agreed to this theatre because the _Bargain Hunter_ had operated in pretty rough areas of the galaxy. Granted, if the slavers had captured them, her disguise would probably have been useless, but perhaps three men would not have been separated at once, and this would have made it much easier for them to escape. In addition, Maris had been persuaded by Qennto with a grim argument: captured women sometimes faced ... unpleasant situations. Although there was no indication that the Chiss behaved violently towards their prisoners, it was better, and safer, to stay low. And it didn't cost her a thing. All she had to do was to speak in a low voice and speak like men did while being conscious about specific gender-based words. The wide jacket concealed her small breasts - which, in addition, she tried to hide by wearing a tight bandage around her chest - and her short hair was indistinguishable from a man's hairstyle anyway.

If anyone would put her at risk it would be them, her colleagues, who kept on treating her as if she were disabled. She knew it wasn't her age - the difference between her and Car'das was neglectable - but her gender. Actually, if she hadn't started a relationship with Dubrak, she probably would never have become a part of this crew. Nor a smuggler for that matter.

Her colleagues actually thought that she didn't know that not all the goods they were transporting were officially registered. That she was sweet and - dumb. Well, she wasn't and while looking through Qennto's papers, she had easily recognized the faked documents among them. However, she hadn't said anything, not because she was okay with it, but because she wanted to fly the _Bargain Hunter_.

She liked her colleagues and thought she might even feel more for Dubrak, but she didn't like the fact that they both behaved so patronizing towards her. She was Qennto's partner, not just romantically, and she had earned this, but he did not treat her as such. He did not even trust her! Thankfully, she had herself under control. And because of that, deceiving Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo shouldn't be a problem either.

With that in mind, she went, escorted by a security guard, to what he had called "Forward Visual Triangulation Site Number One". Well, if that wasn't a spectacular name to forget. Thus, "Forward Visual" would do.

"Hello, Maris Ferasi." The Chiss Commander said when she entered the room, looking around with undisguised curiosity.

"Forward Visual" resembled an observation deck and the Commander sat on a long, semi-circular couch, which was set up in a way that it was possible to see the space surrounding the ship. The lights were dimmed and Maris couldn't help but think that this was actually quite a romantic scenery. And that was exactly the kind of thought she had feared.

"Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo," she welcomed him, trying to correctly pronounce the exotic name.

After all, she didn't want to offend him.

The Chiss guard retreated quietly and with that, she was alone with the Commander. In an amazing place.

"Sit down, please."

He pointed to the couch and Ferasi involuntarily swallowed.

This would be perfect for a date, of which she hadn't had any in a long, long time. Dubrak was pretty unromantic in that respect. He didn't care about building the "right mood".

Mitth'raw'nuruodo, on the other hand, had deliberately chosen this place. No doubt about that. Did he want to impress her? But this wasn't a date, this was supposed to be a "hearing" - of a guest/prisoner. And she would do well remembering that, otherwise, she would mess up sooner or later.

She sat down next to the host, with an appropriate distance between them, of course. Then she remembered that she should spread her legs as a man would do. AND pretend to feel comfortable in this position...

"Why did you send for me, Commander?" she asked in the lowest voice she could muster, trying to imitate Car'das usual mockery.

"I wanted to share the beauty of this view," Mitth'raw'nuruodo replied, "and ask some questions."

"I see."

Staying male was a hard job; and Maris had to concentrate on her breathing and tried hard to relax.

The Commander watched her closely as if he was trying to read something from the expression on her face. But that wasn't the problem. Her face she had under control; actually, she had become rather good at hiding her thoughts and emotions.

"What kind of questions do you think I should ask you, Maris Ferasi?"

"I don’t know." She said, pretending not to get where he was going at. "Captain Qennto already explained everything to you - why we are here and what we do for a living."

With a slight movement of his head, the Commander encouraged her to add more details to the story.

"You don't believe him." Maris unintentionally chewed on her lower lip. "You don't believe our business is... legal."

A light smile appeared on the Chiss' blue face. Ferasi knew that Dubrak wouldn't approve of altering his earlier statement, but she thought it would be easier for them to get along with Mitth'raw'nuruodo if they stopped pretending to be simple merchants and instead told him the truth for once.

Of course, she might misjudge the Chiss Commander’s character - but to her, it seemed like he did not consider them criminals who should immediately be handed over to the appropriate authorities and this, in turn, gave her hope of a successful outcome....and worthwhile negotiations.

"In fact, we're making a little extra money on the side," she admitted, giving her voice a reluctant tone so that Mitth'raw'nuruodo would feel that she wouldn't have revealed this information under different circumstances.

“And how do you accomplish that?"

"By transporting valuable goods", she hesitated, but then came to the conclusion that if the Chiss had thoroughly searched their ship, they would already have discovered their last cargo....firegems.

The Commander raised his eyebrows slowly.

"You found it, didn't you?" She knew she was right. "That's why we are having this conversation."

"Yes," Mitth'raw'nuruodo said flatly, "we found the gemstones. I suppose they are the reason your ship was attacked?"

Maris silently nodded.

"Did you steal them?" he asked.

"No!" She said violently. "We are just transporting them from one point to another," she explained, "while avoiding control."

"Why would you do that?"

"Customs fees are high," she replied. "The Hutts save a lot by transporting their goods in this way."

"By hiring smugglers," Mitth'raw'nuruodo said.

She felt she was blushing. Out of shame.

"We have to earn our living somehow" she defended herself. "You don't always have a choice..."

She bit her lip. Again.

"Qennto owes a debt to the Hutts" she finally revealed. "Maintaining a vessel costs money, and not all transactions are successful. Commander, please, we have to deliver the cargo to the Hutts."

No. She was supposed to be a tough man! She cleared her throat and with that tried to get rid of that begging tone. Flashing her eyelashes and playing with her hair would have been so much easier. And, perhaps, like that she might have been able to enchant Mitth'raw'nuruodo, but that was hardly an option now. Besides, flirting with a stranger was a dangerous game. Especially since they were alone in "Forward Visual" - nobody would hear her if she started to call for help, and nobody would believe her if she were to testify that the cultured Commander had forced himself on her against her will.

"So you have to pay off a debt," Mitth'raw'nuruodo summed up.

"It's not just that." She dared to say then. "We are talking about the _Hutts _here. If we don't deliver, we're dead. Or worse."

"Worse?"

"Hutts like to play with their prey," she said. "They make slaves out of them, and sometimes they make them fight in an arena."

The Chiss raised an eyebrow.

"You support _slave traders_?" He asked in a tone sharper than before.

"We do not support them," Maris stressed, "but we owe them something. And we have to pay them because they won't let us get away with it. That's why Qennto didn't mention the gemstones: he was afraid you would confiscate them."

"You, on the other hand, believe that by telling me the truth, I will let you go?" the Commander asked, "And let you keep the cargo?"

"No," she shook her head. "Not just like that. I'm not naive. I know how the galaxy works. But...maybe we have something you want, or we can get for you. In addition, if the Hutts find out you have their property, you'll be in trouble too. It is more profitable for you to let us go and collect an interest later or... ask for some other form of compensation."

Mitth'raw'nuruodo massaged his chin, while thinking.

"What guarantee would I have for your return?" he asked. "Could you give us something as security? Or... someone?"

Ferasi felt a drop of sweat running down her body, underneath her thick clothes. Qennto would never agree to such conditions. And who would stay on the Chiss ship? Certainly not the _Bargain Hunter's _Captain! So... that would leave either her or Car'das.

She looked at the Chiss - who hadn't taken his eyes off her. How would he react if she were to offer Jorj? No.... Mitth'raw'nuruodo was hoping she would volunteer.

She bit her lower lip. Again. If she would stay on the Chiss ship, wouldn't it look like _bridenapping_? Dubrak and Jorj surely would think so! Worse still, if she were to suggest such a deal, her companions might blame her for wanting to spend more time with the Chiss... with Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo to be precise. Not that she had anything against his company! The Commander was very kind, he hadn't made any inappropriate proposals - but he also had no idea she was a woman! If he were to know the truth, would it have a significant impact on their relationship? Perhaps Qennto and Car'das were right: if they left her alone, here, as the only human woman on board a ship full of Chiss soldiers, things might happen...

Of course, this was just speculation. She was not as attractive as to automatically gain any man’s attention; actually, disgusting as a man hadn’t been too hard for her. Moreover, Mitth'raw'nuruodo and the rest of the Chiss could have a completely different beauty standard.

And there was also the chance that the Commander didn't like women... a terrifying thought. What if the romantic scenery wasn't a coincidence? Maybe Mitth'raw'nuruodo tried to keep her here... because he thought she was a man?

He was waiting for her decision. He obviously wanted her to stay.

“Commander,” she's started slightly insecure, “there's something you should know…”

Mitth'raw'nuruodo raised his eyebrows; the look on his face saying something like: "I hope this isn't worse than your deal with the Hutts."

“I… am a woman," Ferasi said quickly.

The Chiss relaxed a little bit.

“Oh," he said. “I figured that one out.”

She shook her head in disbelief. _"No," _she thought. _"Impossible.”, “How?”_

She saw a small smile on his face.

“Actually, I expected this to be the first thing to come up during our conversation," he told her. “Please excuse my question, but I am intrigued…”

He titled his head a little.

“Are you a woman in biological terms…” he looked at the place where her breasts should be, and then, as if a little embarrassed, he looked at her face again. “…as well as in mental terms?”

She realized that her lips had opened by themselves, and she quickly closed them again.

"I think so… I mean, yes, for sure! I'm a woman!”

“I was uncertain” Mitth'raw'nuruodo said, "because your colleagues addressed you and talked about you in male terms. I wondered whether it had been a linguistic error, caused by their poor knowledge of Sy Bisti, or if it had been a conscious decision.”

He looked at her as if he wanted to ask her something else.

“I dressed up as a man," Maris explained, "for security reasons.”

Mitth'raw'nuruodo looked at her in a strange way.

“Your comrades know you're a woman.” he said. “Thus, you considered _us_ to be a threat.”

She bit her lip out of nervousness.

“When you hailed, we didn't have much time to make decisions. Qennto suggested that... women sometimes experience various... misfortunes… during capture.” she finished sluggishly.

The Commander looked at her for a long time, thinking about what she had said.

“You are physically weaker," he said when looking at Maris. “It has to do with your body structure. That's probably why you are smarter than human men. It evens the odds.”

Ferasi laughed nervously.

“I don’t know. I’m not a typical representative of my gender... No. I mean, I don't represent all human women. And Qennto and Car'das are not model examples of our men. We are all very different.”

She refrained from commenting on their intelligence.

“I know that.”, he interrupted her. “However, I am interested in whether you consider us, the Chiss, as a species prone to violence.”

“No,” she said quickly. “We simply don't know much about you guys… But no, I don't think there is reason to fear that you would be…. interested in human women in that way.”

The Commander's eyes glowed with an intense red when he looked at her.

“I assume that, _theoretically, _our species_ could cross_," he heavily emphasized the words `could cross´. “However, this theory hasn’t been tested yet, as Chiss usually ... avoid intimate relationships with other species. We live by very strict traditions and customs… Political isolation being one of them.”

She got the impression he was trying to calm her down. But, just perhaps, he also started to feel a bit uncomfortable on this couch.

“Well, it's a good thing we talked about it,” Maris said finally and forced a laugh. It was embarrassing and now really started to feel like a date! She looked at Mitth'raw'nuruodo. Actually, she wouldn't mind: they could talk, look at the stars and ....

She felt an unpleasant pressure inside when she remembered Qennto. How would he feel if she were to _befriend_ the Commander.

“Mitth'raw'nuruodo…”

“Thrawn” he interrupted all of a sudden.

“Excuse me?”

“It would be easier if you would call me `Thrawn´ from now on. It is a shortened version of my name.”

“Something like a first name?” She hesitated. “You should call me _Maris _then. Just like the rest, errr, my crew, does.”

“Maris," he tried the new name and then added. “Is it correct for me to address you like this?”

“I could ask you the same question, Commander.” she laughed, this time in honest.

He shrugged.

“Perhaps you should refrain from it in official situations.” He said after a while. “I believe, however, that you are capable to properly assess when the use of my core-name might be… inappropriate.”

“Because it would embarrass you?”

“Because it suggests intimacy.”

“Oh….”

She felt her cheeks warming up.

“So why propose it in first place?”

He smiled, at first slightly and then more widely, as if it was impossible not to be amused.

“Mainly because your pronunciation of my name is quite unusual," he finally admitted. “And it would benefit our communication too.”

“To heighten its effectiveness?”

“To eliminate artificial barriers between us,” he explained. “Language is next.”

He honestly surprised her with that.

“I would like to learn your language.” He explained. “And the ways of your galaxy.”

“Why?” she asked, almost instinctively.

“Out of curiosity," he replied. After a while, however, he added: “And for security reasons. Perhaps contact between our people will become more frequent over time.”

It was not an unreasonable request, but... Ferasi also knew that the contact between their people did not have to be friendly.

“I am not planning an invasion,” Thrawn reassured her. “I am just collecting data. In exchange for learning your language, I would offer to teach you one in return… perhaps not Cheunh, but you should be able to master Minnisiat fairly quickly.”

“Cheunh? Minnisiat?” she slowly repeated the foreign names, trying to remember them.

“Minnisiat is a trade language. It is much simpler than Cheunh. The other one is the official Chiss language. Pronunciation can be... problematic for other species.”

“I would like to try anyway.” Maris said.

“Very well.” he replied with a smile, as if he had expected her reaction.

_Wow… He had offered to teach her his language!_ Maris involuntarily imagined how it might be like: sitting on this couch together, looking into the vastness of space and speaking in this beautiful, mysterious Chiss language, like…. good friends. She desperately wanted to prove to the Commander that she was capable of doing something that was beyond most people's ability: to learn Cheunh.

“I'll talk to Qennto... and Car'das" Maris said. “No. Wait a minute. You didn't say you'd let them go if I stayed to teach you Basic.”

“They may leave,” Thrawn said, "or they may stay and wait for us to fulfill our agreement.”

“I’ll talk to them.” Maris promised. "And I'll convince them that I'm safe," she said.

_I will be fine,_ she reassured herself in her mind.

“Maris?

“Yes?”

She looked up at him.

“One request: Could you please stop this game? I mean the use of male forms and personal pronouns whenever you are concerned. My crew… is getting a little too interested in your gender." He sighed loudly. “They are betting on your gender and … start spreading strange theories.”

She raised her eyebrows and laughed.

“Maris”, he said calmly.

“Do you have a problem with that, Commander Thrawn?” She asked then.

In fact, she didn’t really mind, except…. if it was a problem for _him_.

His eyebrows shot up.

“No, it is not a problem for me,” he said, carefully weighing up his words, “but you have to understand that such misleadings could be perceived differently by others, and with that might have a negative impact on the relations between our people as a whole. Some may feel… offended.”

_Oh. She had gotten it all wrong then._

“There will be no more misleadings now,” she promised.

“Thank you.”

She looked at him - maybe they should have been honest with him from the very beginning.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

“Have you lost your mind?” Qennto spat when she put on the dress.

“The Commander said…”

“I know what he said!” Dubrak barked. “And I know people like him.”

“Or maybe it’s just _me_ who likes to dress up for a change?” Maris asked dryly and then sighed. “I’ve heard there are some important people on that ship and Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo wants to introduce us.”

She was still reluctant to call him “Thrawn” in front of Qennto.

Qennto looked at Car'das, apparently seeking his support. As usual, Jori tried not to get involved in their quarrels. That was her and Dubrak's problem. Subconsciously, however, Ferasi felt that if Jorj would have had to choose sides, the so-called "male solidarity" would triumph.

“She shouldn't dress like that," Qennto said, now talking about Maris in the third person, as if she wasn't there.

“It’s… not appropriate!”

Maris just had to laugh. The dress she was wearing was pretty plain. No decorations, no open back, nothing. Yes, you could see the outlines of her breasts under the thin fabric and her legs, well everything below the knee. But, according to Maris, the only thing that was not appropriate about her outfit were her shoes. Simple, flat ballerinas and, perhaps the dress’ colour - shiny red. But she didn’t have another dress for meeting their distinguished guests. And every dress was better than work clothes. After all, from what Thrawn had told her, those welcome-ceremonies were a pretty big deal to the Chiss. And thus, she didn’t want to insult them.

Still, Dubrak claimed that she wore the dress only to please Thrawn. And even if she_ wanted _to please the Commander? What was wrong with that? At least Thrawn was nice to her. Maris was indeed hoping the Chiss would like her dress and she wouldn’t mind hearing a compliment like "You look nice in that dress, Maris.”. And was that too much to ask for? She was a woman after all! Maris reached for her hand mirror, checked her reflection and quietly announced: "You look great, Maris." Then she turned around, checking where Dubrak was. At least _he_ could have praised the dress - even if he hadn’t meant it. He didn’t have to know or be interested in fashion, but why couldn’t he at least _try _to be nice and just tell her what she wanted to hear? And refrain from critical remarks and unsubstantiated insinuations, of course.

***

Her sudden "transformation" caused quite a stir among the Chiss. They looked at her like she had grown a second head or something equally dreadful. And, as a result, Maris was suddenly worried that, perhaps, the two men had been right and the dress was, indeed, not appropriate…That is was too tempting for Chiss society. Perhaps Chiss women didn't wear dresses? It was difficult to say as all the Chiss on the ship were wearing the same black uniform.

Dubrak and Jorj, unlike her, had not dressed up for the occasion. Their everyday clothes were supposed to suggest that they were on board the _Springhawk_ by accident and that, if the Chiss didn’t mind, they wanted to continue their journey as soon as possible. Maris sincerely doubted that Thrawn would let them. And he probably couldn't decide it without the approval of his superiors, who in the end, would be the “judges” of whether or not the _Bargain Hunter’s _crew was a threat.

Though Thrawn had reassured her that their crime wasn’t a big deal, Ferasi wasn’t convinced that they would get away with smuggling through Chiss space that easily. They probably had to pay a fine - and due to their obvious lack of resources at least one of them would have to ‘work it off'. Perhaps Thrawn's proposal to teach him Basic was a means to show the other Chiss that she was “useful" for something and therefore didn’t have to go to jail.

Well, now at least, in her red dress she didn't feel like a prisoner. She was a conversation partner….although she hadn’t mastered any of the new languages pretty well yet. She had only practiced basic, polite phrases with Thrawn, but he had assured her that it would be enough for the welcome-ceremony. And he had smiled when he had seen her eagerness to learn: maybe he had thought she was trying to impress him and the other Chiss. In fact, however, Maris’ prime reason was that she wanted to understand the Chiss. She wanted to know what they were talking about and she wanted to be able to reply and not just smile in embarrassment.

When she stood between Qennto and Car'das and the black-clad Chiss soldiers, Ferasi felt as if she did not fit into either of these two worlds. She was anxious to see Thrawn.

When he finally showed up, he looked her over with a quick look, keeping his eyes on her ballerinas for a little while longer. How embarrassing. The commander’s shoes shone like black mirrors, and she wore a dress with ballerinas! And they didn’t even match the dress perfectly!

Drenched in these unhappy thoughts, Maris almost missed the opening of the door through which Admiral Ar'alani then entered the room. The female Chiss was almost as tall as Thrawn and had long hair which she wore in a ponytail, and, unlike the rest of the soldiers, she was dressed in a snow-white uniform. And when you saw her, you couldn’t help but respect her.

It seemed like colours were important to the Chiss. In a sea of black uniforms, the Admiral's white uniform shone like a star. And now there was a single red dwarf that competed with it for the overall attention.

Maris blushed until her cheeks were almost as red as her dress. Yes, she stood out. Very much so. And she didn't want to be the only red dot in a world of black-and-white. Maybe she should have talked about her outfit with Commander Thrawn beforehand. But then again, she didn't want to bother him with such trivialities, and the Chiss had given her the freedom of choice, without any restrictions! Unlike Dubrak, who had found a thousand things to complain about… Still, perhaps it had been a mistake. If she had asked him, then she probably wouldn’t feel as inappropriate as she did now…It was a bit like wearing a red dress to a funeral. Perhaps red even had a special meaning to them? Perhaps it was reserved for certain people like white was for the admirals? She had made a mistake. She hadn’t thought of this possibility. And she didn't have a different dress! Maybe she should have chosen trousers and a shirt instead…. or just have kept on pretending to be a man.

No, by now she was sure that the problem wasn’t her femininity or the dress, it was indeed the _colour_. And maybe the dress, at last when you were the only female in the room alongside Admiral Ar'alani, an astonishingly beautiful woman, proudly wearing a well-fitted uniform. She certainly made an impression on many men, Thrawn included, Maris thought, as she watched him welcoming the Chiss Admiral with long, melodic phrases in Cheunh. The Admiral answered him in the same singing-language and a moment later they both changed to Sy Bisti - undoubtedly so that she, Jorj and Dubrak would not feel excluded from the conversation.

Thrawn presented them from oldest to youngest, intentionally ignoring her gender.

“Dubrak Qennto, Captain of the _Burgain Hunter_ and his crew: Jorj Car'das and Maris Ferasi.”

Maris curtseyed and then she saw Ar'alani's eyebrows slightly rise, as if she had never seen anything like her before. Which, in turn, caused Ferasi to stammer and to make mistakes, accenting the words wrongly during the official greeting. Maris felt her cheeks burning, like a student at the blackboard, who was so nervous that he had forgotten the teacher's question before he could even begin to answer it.

After a few seconds of silence, which felt like an eternity, Ar'alani then answered her with a standard Chiss welcome. Well, it couldn’t have been that bad then. Thank God she hadn’t insulted her by accident, which in a language as difficult as Cheunh, wasn’t a hard thing to do.

The Admiral looked at Thrawn.

“They are talking Cheunh? Is _she_ the only one?”

“Ferasi expressed the wish to learn our language," Thrawn answered, also in Cheunh. “She wanted to welcome you, according to our customs.”

_“Ch'acacacah ch'a bsarah barci?” (_= Like a trained animal?)

The Commander drew his eyebrows together. It was then that his superior talked to him in some longer sentences in Cheunh, and though Maris couldn’t understand them, it was easy enough to deduce that the Admiral wasn’t happy with Thrawn.

Was she talking about her dress? Should she say something and explain that it was not the Commander's fault, but her mistake?

From what the Commander said later, Maris understood that he was talking to Ar'alani about their "deal". His wish to learn Basic, her presence on his ship as a "hostage”, and compensation for the Chiss in forms of loans, jewels or any goods they wished, because they had helped them to escape from the pirates. Putting it like this, the conditions seemed favourable for the Chiss, so the Admiral should agree, at least in her opinion.

“I want to see their _can'let'ehn __(= ship)_,” Ar'alani said. “And they shouldn't be allowed to _casisah (= wander around) _on the _Springhawk_.”

She looked at Maris as if she were checking how much Cheunh she had learned by now.

“We won't _casisah” _Ferasi repeated the foreign word, still uncertain of its meaning. “We will obey your orders.”

Chiss’ red eyes flickered when she looked at her briefly.

“I hope you don't teach her to obey orders, Mitth'raw'nuruodo," she threw at him in Sy Bisti.

And then she turned directly to Maris:

“Civilians are not part of the military. Therefore, you don’t have to follow orders. But the Syndic shall explain it to you in more detail soon.”

“Syndic?” Thrawn interfered. “I was not informed of such a visit.”

Ar'alani smiled slightly.

“This is not an official visit, but a personal favour.” she replied.

She turned and then nodded with her head back to the shuttle. The guards opened its door again and then young, male Chiss, wearing a grey and red robe, entered the room.

Thrawn's eyes shone brightly... with joy?

“Thrass…”

Maris noted immediately that the Commander had used the newcomer’s corename. It meant that they knew each other... very well. And only a moment later, she saw Thrawn rushing to the syndic to... hug him? No, he just grabbed him by the shoulder, in a friendly, but still quite intimate gesture. The other reciprocated his “embrace”.

“Welcome," said the Commander in Cheunh. “This is really a huge _rost'sep (= surprise)_.”

She didn’t know the word he used, but guessed from the context that Thrawn was both, happy and surprised.

“Something I rarely accomplish, _botmun'i_, (= Brother)“ Thrass said with a wide smile.

Then, unfortunately, his smile faded slightly when he saw Maris and the others.

“These are my guests.” Thrawn explained smoothly, changing to Sy Bisti, while pointing to her and saying her full name, before introducing Qennto and Car'das to the Syndic. “They are K'rell'n traders from the Galactic Republic.”

Thrass gave them a vigilant look and Maris could swear he had looked even closer at her dress. It was doubtful that Dubrak would like it... Thrawn’s next words brought her back to reality:

“This is Syndic Mitth'ras'safis of the Eighth Ruling House. My brother.”

“Your brother?” Maris squealed and blushed again when she noticed that Thrass’ eyes were stuck on her.

“Yes, we were born brothers and then adopted into the Eighth House.”

He then crossed his arms in front of his chest, wrinkled his forehead and looked at Thrawn in a strange way.

“Ferasi had no intention of offending you, brother," Thrawn said calmly. “We were not aware of your visit. Do you wish to inspect the captured ship with the Admiral?”

“That was the main purpose of my visit, yes.” Thrass said.

“The main purpose?” the Commander repeated. “Then what was the other one?”

Thrass looked at Maris and drew his brows together.

“We will talk about it later.”

Ferasi was willing to bet that meant "without witnesses". And without her in particular.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

“Syndic Mitth'ras'safis would like to talk to you," one of the Chiss soldiers said to Maris, which left her more than a little surprised.

After getting to know Thrawn's brother, Thrass, Ferasi had been convinced that meeting her was the last thing on his mind, and whatever he wanted to talk to her about, had probably to do with Commander Thrawn, otherwise he wouldn’t have waited until the Commander was on duty.

Maybe Thrass was annoyed that Thrawn didn’t distinguish between Chiss and non-Chiss and that he wanted everyone to work together. And he was not the only one to be bothered by this: Qennto and Ar'alani, who were now forced to cooperate, were clearly going on each other's nerves. Unfortunately, Maris couldn't help with that. She didn't have any influence on the Commander, no matter what his brother might think.

Or he assumed that there was something going on between Thrawn and her. Because she had stood next to the Commander, in this cursed red dress! Maris tried to imagine their conversation. Perhaps: _“That’s not the right girl for you”?_ And now the syndic would tell her something like _"Stay away from my brother"?_

Or she was overreacting. Maybe Mitth'ras'safis just wanted to get to know her better because he thought she was somehow important to Thrawn. Or at least more important than the rest of the _Bargain Hunter_’s crew was.

Thank God Qennto was busy "helping” Admiral Ar'alani now; otherwise, Ferasi surely would have to listen to more of his unfounded accusations now, like: _“And now you're flirting with his brother?"_ or _“Are you dreaming of a threesome with the Chiss?"_ Well, Thrawn’s brother was also quite handsome, but that didn’t mean a thing! And he obviously didn't like her. At least she thought so. But he was kind: he greeted her in Cheunh in a very official manner and waited until she had answered in the same fashion. He slightly flinched when she mispronounced two words, but was nice enough not to correct or explain the mistake.

“It will be easier for us to communicate in Sy Bisti," he said then, smoothly switching to that language. “Also because I want to make sure that there will be no misunderstandings between us.”

Maris smiled. Dressed in her “work outfit” - shirt and trousers - again, she should not irritate him this time. And fearing that it had indeed been her dress that had disturbed the syndic during the welcome-ceremony, she decided to smoothen things out now by offering an explanation:

“I had no intention to offend anyone with my appearance or behaviour. On the contrary. I wore the best dress I had. The Commander hadn’t told me that there were colours which are reserved for the... elite.”

“Mitth'raw'nuruodo is very tolerant," Thrass said. “I suspect he also told you, you should call him by his core-name. Am I right?”

Maris nodded. Actually, she kind of expected that the Commander's brother would offer her the same privilege now, but he didn’t.

“Of course, my brother can do whatever he likes, but his behaviour could be seen as irresponsible and careless. You see your _excessive intimacy_ with him may actually cause a small scandal if he’s not careful and, as a result, harm him very much.”

“There is no _excessive intimacy_ between us” answered Maris. “You see, I have a boyfriend”.

Seeing the ignorance the Chiss’ eyes, she clarified:

“A partner. Me and Dubrak Qennto are _partners_. Commander Thrawn and I are _friends_.”

That should be enough for him, she thought.

“Friends” Thrass repeated doubtful.

And then she noticed his smile, which was eerily similar to the one she sometimes saw on Thrawn's face, the one that suggested: "I know more than you do."

“I have nothing against your_ friendship_.” He stressed the last word. “But I sincerely doubt that this is all my brother is after.”

Oh, no. Him too! Did all men think that men and women couldn’t be friends?

“Thrawn likes to compete," said Thrass then. “Pinching Captain Qennto's beautiful girlfriend would be very much his style. And you’re Human. Exotic.”

“He is your brother!” Ferasi said, forgetting to add his formal title in the heat of the moment. “You shouldn't talk ill about him.”

“He's my brother.” Thrass repeated. “And that’s why I’m trying to protect him. From himself most of the time. I assume he didn't tell you that he’s engaged?”

Maris almost forgot to breathe. Thrawn was _engaged_?!

There was a questioning look on the Chiss’ face. Was he kidding? Or was this just his way of telling her to stay away from Thrawn?

“If that’s true.” Maris swallowed. “Shouldn’t you talk to your brother then? Instead of me? Explain your fears to him… And if he loves his fiancé, Commander Thrawn won’t look at other women. I don't think he's such a person.”

For a second she thought that a shadow of sadness had appeared in Thrass' eyes.

“In our society, we rarely marry for love.” he told her. “And people who join one of the ruling families have to marry a member of that family. Me and my brother were adopted by the Eighth Ruling Family. House Mitth. We both consented to these terms. If my brother breaks his contract, he'll be excluded from the Eighth Family, which would have dire consequences for his future life.”

“Oh…”

She didn't know what to say. Based on what Thrawn had told her up until now, Maris had thought that Chiss society worked better and more efficiently than the chaotic Human one. But suddenly it looked like their marriage customs were oddly anachronistic - conservative and somehow aristocratic with families more “worthy” than others. In Human society people "were together”, often without a marriage license, and only when they were sure that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, they got married. Where she came from nobody told anyone who to marry. Could the Chiss really be that archaic?

“But... you can choose your fiancé, can't you?” She asked, still unable to believe that the Chiss marriage rules were so _inhuman_.

“There are some… available candidates?”

“Yes," Thrass said, "but I chose for my brother, as Thrawn... did not show any interest in any of the women or in marriage that is. To be honest, I am a little worried about that.”

“Perhaps he didn't like any of them.” Maris felt sorry for the Commander now.

“It definitely seemed that way" said Thrass.

Absentmindedly Ferasi started to stroke over her shirt’s sleeve.

“What if Thrawn falls in love with someone? What will happen then?” she asked.

“That someone should better be his fiancée," Thrass said dryly. “Otherwise, he'll be very unhappy in this marriage. And his wife, too.”

Maris sighed loudly.

“But you can't control your feelings," she said. “You can’t decide with whom you fall in love.”

“To some extent, you can.”

She looked at him in pure disbelief.

“Well, there are factors that can help you to fall in love," Thrass explained. “Like spending your free time with someone.”

“Yeah, I see where this is going. And wearing alluring dresses.” Maris said.

The Chiss titled his head a little.

“The dress itself, taken out of context, has no meaning whatsoever," he declared. “But everything combined does. Plus, red is the colour of the Eighth House. When a woman in red stands next to a Commander who was adopted by the House of the same colour, well, that sends a certain message. Wouldn’t you agree that such an action could be seen as a provocation?”

“You think it would have been better if I had been naked?”

Her words had an unexpected effect; a purple blush appeared on the syndic's face.

“I just fear that one day Thrawn will cross the line and when the Family Council is after him, I can‘t defend him anymore. So if you are truly his friend, you should not return his advances.”

Maris drew her eyebrows.

“So I can be _friends_ with him?”

“Of course.” said Thrass.

“Even if that includes spending my free time with him? If I teach Thrawn Basic and he teaches me Cheunh?”

“You are a responsible person," he answered, but not without some resentment in his voice, like a parent admonishing a child. “I believe it’s not your intention to deliberately harm my brother. And I also believe that if you tell him that you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him, Thrawn will accept that and will not impose himself on you.”

“And you think I should inform him of that right away? Because otherwise he might make a move on me?”

“Correct. In my opinion, that is very likely.”

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

During their next lesson, Maris’ lack of focus, did, of course, not escape Thrawn's attention. He looked rather dissatisfied when she made the same mistake for the third time and his face told her: _“Maybe I was wrong about you.” “Maybe you can't learn Cheunh."_ But she believed she could, and she desperately wanted to prove it to him.

However, as it turned out, mastering Cheunh wasn't as much as a problem as mastering her feelings for the Chiss in front of her. She just couldn't forget what Mitth'ras'safis had told her - that Thrawn was _engaged._ Ferasi herself was in a "relationship", but... her relationship with Qennto had had its problems for a long time. But somehow she hadn’t had the courage to leave him, mainly because they worked and travelled together, because she had sacrificed too much to join their little group and because she wouldn't have anywhere to go if Dubrak would throw her off his ship. Besides, it had even crossed her mind that her desire to become Thrawn’s language instructor was mainly due to the need to escape from her current situation - and Dubrak Qennto.

However, if she was honest with herself, she saw more in Commander Thrawn than a new "employer". The way he looked in his black uniform and how eloquently he expressed himself - and that in Sy Bisti, a foreign language! His eagerness to learn Basic and how chivalrously he behaved towards her… Well, she liked it a lot. She liked _him_ a lot - and thus was quite willing to consider a closer relationship with this alien, perhaps even a romantic one. Unfortunately, her hopes had been buried by the news of his engagement.

Maris wasn't sure if she could have a simple, platonic friendship with Thrawn because once a romantic feeling is born, it is hard to neglect. She knew that as soon as she would fall asleep, his handsome blue face would appear in front of her mental eye and that was surely not a sign of friendship. And if she saw just a friend in him, she also wouldn't have been sad to hear about his engagement, she wouldn't feel so jealous of the unknown, "lucky girl" now and she also wouldn’t be secretly happy about the fact that Thrawn was neither interested in his engagement nor his fiancé.

Then why did she still have mixed feelings about this? Because of what Thrawn's brother had told her? That he wasn’t really interested in women? That for him they were just conquests, and once he had gotten them, he was looking for another, more difficult “challenge”?

Ferasi wasn't exactly willing to believe that. Yet the thought that Thrawn was attracted not so much by appearances, as by a “certain mystery” and the fact that the person in question was “hard to get” or “forbidden” seemed somehow fitting. He was curious and, like many soldiers, liked a challenge. A young Human woman on board his ship, dressed up as a man. Maris smiled to herself. Of course, she had aroused his interest with that. And that interest, by all appearances, hadn’t disappeared yet. 

“I wonder if private lessons are a good idea," the Commander said unexpectedly.

Maris looked up at him, a little concerned. Did he suddenly think they needed a chaperone, too?

“You see, some people are motivated by an additional factor.” Thrawn said, a flash in his eyes. “Rivalry.”

She took a deep breath. So Thrass was right about that: his brother liked to compete.

“Jorj Car'das expressed his wish to learn Cheunh the other day,” the Chiss added. “Perhaps by learning in a group you would achieve better results and I would not have to repeat myself all the time.”

“Yeah”, Maris smiled bitterly. “You shouldn’t waste too much time on us.”

Thrawn raised his eyebrow.

“Does that mean I have your permission to ask Car'das to join us next time?” he asked.

Ferasi shrugged.

“You don't need my permission for anything.”

“True." He replied. “But I _want _to know how you feel about it.”

He slightly emphasised the word "want”.

“I like our private lessons," Maris said directly. “If Car'das were to join us he would want to learn useful things. How to communicate for example and the names of all the instruments on your ship.” She pointed with her hand to the blinking apparatus in the corner of the room.

“And you?” Thrawn asked.

She smiled lightly.

“I just want to talk to you.” she said. “About all kinds of things. You like art and you talk about it with great passion. When we're together, I prefer conversation to grammar. I always find out new, interesting things.”

A small smile appeared on the Commander's face.

“Are you trying to tell me that each of you, as a student, requires a different approach?”

Maris sighed loudly.

“I don’t mind the fact that there are going to be three of us from now on;” she said. “because it's better for _you_…But I would like to have more than Car’das wants.”

“What do you mean?”

She blushed.

“More lessons.” She explained quickly. “Practical ones. We could have meals together and talk. Perhaps I could accompany you sometimes, so you don’t have to waste your time on me.”

“I am not wasting my time on you, Maris.”

She paused her lips and then starred on the couch they were sitting on, before looking back up at Thrawn.

“I talked to your brother," she said. “He told me you're engaged.”

The Commander raised his eyebrow again.

“I don't understand what this has to do with our lessons," he said.

“Really?”

“Oh. I see…”

He raised his eyes to the sky.

“So my brother thinks I shouldn't be alone with a beautiful woman," he said, "because I could forget my duty to the family.”

He wrinkled his forehead.

“Car'das," he said suddenly. “Do you think my brother encouraged his wish to learn Cheunh in order to prevent us from spending time together?”

“I believe Qennto was faster than he” Maris replied. “He shares your brother’s worries.”

“And he thinks we couldn’t do that with Car’das?”

She blushed.

“I don't like Car'das," she said. “What about you?”

He raised his eyebrow and this time Maris was sure it meant: _“Are you really asking me that?"_

“Not like that” he answered after a while, then smiled somewhat mischievously. “However, as I have mentioned before, sometimes an additional stimulus helps to achieve better results.”

Maris was sure that her blush had increased to cherry red by now, but she decided to ignore the implication.

“Rivalry.”

He nodded.

“I sometimes wonder whether we all desire most what belongs to others," he said reflectively. “The Chiss are proud of their culture and jealously guard their secrets, but... we are happy to absorb new elements and adapt foreign technology to our needs. Our development is based on competition. Our species against other species in pursuit of excellence but also in competition within our society.”

“That... doesn't sound good.”

He looked at her with curiosity.

“It helps us to grow," he replied. “Although sometimes the rivalry between the Ruling Families weakens our entire community. Maintaining a balance of power is necessary to maintain order.”

She blinked fast and then shook her head.

“Could you give me an example?” she asked.

He touched his family badge.

“The Eighth Family controls the Defence Fleet," he said. “At the same time, the Fifth Family has its own private fleet, smaller than ours, but they try to constantly modernise it in order to outperform us technologically and we, in turn, have to follow suit. So you see, even though the motives of the Aristocra are low, their actions have, over the years, resulted in a strong army that can protect us from an invasion of hostile aliens.”

“A common enemy can always unite.”

“True.”

Maris moved slightly on the couch and now turned her whole body towards him.

“Competition between different species have caused many conflicts in the Galactic Senate," she said. “Some groups are only concerned about their own interests and do not want to cooperate with others. It’s not good.”

“In Chiss society, the larger families have to work together. Despite their rivalry,” Thrawn said. “My family works closely with the Second Family. We do not have to be afraid of the Fifth Family or its military claims, but the challenge between us raises the standard.”

He looked at her in silence for a longer moment and then added:

“Simply put, even when you exceed your rival, his presence alone forces you to work harder.”

He moved closer to her.

“Sometimes... I wish for an opponent whose defeat will bring me... satisfaction.”

“Are we talking in general terms here, or….” she felt insecure and a little embarrassed “…about competing for a person’s favour?”

Thrawn looked at her, obviously not understanding where she was heading.

“I mean a competition that facilities self-improvement. My strength is my ability to analyse the enemy, to develop a strategy that will work against him and to command a fleet in battle.” he told her. “I do it for me. Not to gain anyone’s favour.”

He sighed and changed the course of their conversation a little.

“Your strength is that you easily adapt to new situations and environments, even if those aren’t favourable to you at first. You can observe and draw conclusions and then you try to make the best of it.”

“So that’s good?” she asked.

The Chiss shrugged.

“You are skilled in languages, that combined with the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes,” he continued “helps you to understand others, but... you don’t use that knowledge against them. You often act altruistically because you assume others will treat you the same way you treat them. That could be a mistake.”

“I know.“ she admitted, "I've been fooled several times, but that doesn't mean that everyone around me is a bad person.”

“But not everyone is like you.” Thrawn said. “You have to remember that.”

“I’m not the only one who thinks so. And sometimes I’m right.” She looked into his eyes. “I trust you and you're helping me.”

“Not selflessly. I am teaching you, and you are teaching me.”

“Still, you could have offered private lessons to Car'das," she said, "but you chose me. Because you know you can trust me and you want me to learn, grow and believe in myself. That was nice. Qennto... and Car'das aren’t bad people… but when things get difficult, they think I should leave it to the “strong men”; and if it turns out that I was up to the task... then it couldn't have been too complicated to start with. You see, if a woman can do it, so can a man and he can do it better.”

Thrawn looked at her with a wrinkled forehead, and one of the wrinkles seemed to deepen the longer Maris spoke.

“Car'das has many advantages over you,” he said cautiously, "but I doubt he would surpass you in this area. But no, Maris, I did not want to help you, I simply thought that I would get more out of learning with you, and that I would be able to repay you accordingly.”

She sighed loudly.

“Men," she said with regret; she had thought that at least _he_ would be different. “So how do you plan to repay me?”

He stared at her for a while before he answered:

“The way you want me to.”

She twisted her head in disbelief and with some amusement.

“I may have wishes you won't be able to fulfil.”

He smiled.

“What about private lessons?” he offered. “Without Car'das. As soon as we find the time and... the right place.”

She drew her eyebrows.

“And friendship”, she said. “And mutual trust.”

He measured her up with his eyes, and then he said:

“Very well.”

She swallowed and then asked:

“So... what's your fiancé like?”

His smile faded in an instant.

“Younger and better born.” For a moment he was thinking about something and it looked almost as if he had trouble recalling any special attributes of the Chiss lady in question. “And I’ve heard she's interested in music.”

“Is she an artist then?”

He shrugged.

“Sounds like you are a perfect match.” she said, her voice was unintentionally bitter.

“Thrass thinks so," said the Commander with some reluctance.

“Does she resemble your previous girlfriends?”

He stared at her for a moment and she reddened.

“Sorry. You did have girlfriends before, right?” She asked and hoped her voice didn’t betray the panic she felt.

“Yes, I did," he replied briefly. “And therefore, I know that it is not a great experience.”

Maris almost jumped up from her seat. Did that mean Thrawn did not like women? That, perhaps, he preferred men? Maybe he wasn’t even aware of his homosexuality yet.

“Your turn.” He said and with that stopped the obviously inconvenient topic for him. “What is your relationship with Dubrak Qennto and Jorj Car'das?”

“We work together.” Maris replied and with that gave the simplest answer.

Thrawn gave her a long look and then asked directly:

“Which one is your fiancé?”

She was numb.

“I have a boyfriend.” She said. “Dubrak. You could have guessed that when I mentioned that I didn't like Jorj.”

The commander slightly titled his head then.

“That does not mean a thing," he said. “And you previously dressed up as a man to protect yourself from unwanted male attention. Finding a boyfriend is an equally effective strategy in achieving that goal. And for such an endeavour Car'das would have been the saver option.”

Maris turned her head around so violently that strands of hair fell into her face. Then she quickly fixed her hair again, with a careless gesture.

“Dubrak likes me…. and I like him too, maybe not as much as he likes me, but lately…”

She breathed deeply and then finished:

“…I stopped feeling good about the relationship.”

Thrawn looked at her and curiously listened to what she said.

“Who arranged your relationship?” he asked unexpectedly.

Ferasi laughed quietly then, although she didn’t feel like laughing at all.

“No one. We just wanted to be together. At first it was nice, as it usually is…Well, when you like someone, it’s hard to see their flaws.”

The Chiss wrinkled his forehead.

“And then you couldn't break your promise.” he said, almost as if he was talking to himself. “You couldn’t break your contract.”

Maris shook her head and at the same time she showed him her right hand.

“There is no contract. I don't have a ring on my finger. See.” she explained. “I’m with Dubrak because it's... easy. I've known him for a long time, we work well together... and he’s not unattractive.”

There was some scepticism on Thrawn's face.

“I don't want to look for another ship, another captain, another crew.” She said in honest. “You never know what you’re getting yourself into. The devil you know vs. the devil you don’t.”

Thrawn kept silent for a moment, and then seemed almost angry when he said, "I agree, and like you, I fear it could get worse and an even less suited fiancé could get chosen, should I cause trouble.”

“But your case is different," Maris said. “Your problem is not that you don't care about your fiancé.” she waved with her hand towards the window. “But that you’re not attracted to women in general…”

That had been stupid. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand, but could not undo the words that had been spoken.

“That I am not attracted to women?” he repeated, obviously surprised. “I almost wish that were the case. Then…I…anyway…”

He waved his hand.

“No, please, finish.” Maris insisted. “So you do like women, but not your fiancé? Is that what you're saying?”

It would never be that easy.

“I like women.” he replied. “But I don’t like relationships. I've been avoiding them all my life. My brother seemed happy when he dated girls. I wanted to taste the same thing. So I started to imitate him, but I soon realised that my partners demanded more than I was willing to give. More time, more attention. More of everything. And all I ever wanted was to graduate from officer's school and serve in the fleet. I neither had the time nor the desire to spend all my time on dates and I was not interested in what they thought was important and noteworthy.”

He shook his head. “Then I thought that perhaps I had simply dated the wrong girls. That my brother was fishing for pearls while I was hitting the rocks.” He smiled. “So I let him choose my fiancé. But as it turned out, I was wrong again.”

“Did you ever steal one of his girlfriends?”

He looked at her suspiciously.

“Is that what he told you? Well, I guess one could call it a.. misunderstanding. I wanted to know more about one of his girlfriends once, and by accident, it went too far.”

“Maybe you didn’t want what Thrass wanted when you started dating those girls. Perhaps it bothered you that someone came between you and your brother," Maris suggested. “So you wanted to fill that void, but once you started dating those girls, you realised it took you even further away from your brother and later from this.” With a gesture, she circled the space around them. “This ship. The fleet.” She explained.

Thrawn rubbed his cheek in thought.

“And therefore I subconsciously tried to put us in a love triangle?”

He raised his eyebrows and looked at Maris.

“Have you ever dated a girl that wasn’t interested in Thrass?” she asked him. “Or one that wasn’t like the ones he usually dates?”

The Chiss looked into her eyes.

“It's more complicated than that.” he said. “But maybe you're right about one thing. Maybe I'm deliberately looking for women I cannot fall in love with and who therefore, also, cannot endanger my future.”

She sighed. He didn't understand at all.

“Thrass said you like to compete. I don't know what he was referring to, but siblings often compete in their childhood…perhaps later on you did the same over women?”

She was interrupted by his laughter.

“There is no way I could win that competition against my brother," he explained. “But I learned a lot by watching him. However, Thrass... fell in love in the blink of an eye, and then he suffered when his relationships fell apart. Well, I guess I wanted to protect him, so... I approached some of his girls and when they seemed alright, I tried to be nice and was chivalrous. Perhaps I copied Thrass a little. I guess from the outside it might have looked like we were competing, but we weren’t. And even if those girls got the wrong impression… well, if they had truly loved my brother, they should not have considered being with me.”

The last sentence wasn’t said without some regret and resentment in his voice.

“So you weren't in love with any of them?” Maris asked. “Have you ever been in love?”

“No.” he replied seriously. “I liked... and I still like being with women, but I do not wish to go through the same things Thrass did. I know what the first phase of a relationship looks like and I have a good idea about the next ones… Getting to know each other is nice and what follows….”

He unexpectedly looked at her lips and Maris felt her heart start beating faster, harder, almost painfully so. She smiled sweetly at him…

But then he leaned back and shook his head.

“I like you, Maris. I admit it, and I also know that we could never be together. And in a way that is… tempting, is it not? That, for a moment, we could simply be happy, without ever having to worry about whether in ten years’ time we will still like each other, trust each other, be interested in each other.”

“Nobody ever knows these things” Maris said. “Some relationships break up over time, others don’t. But... when people love each other, they want to be together. When you fall in love, you just want to be with that person - every day and tell him or her everything.”

Then he looked her in the eye and asked:

“Do you love me, Maris?”

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

What was she supposed to say now? ‘Yes, I do?’. 

She herself was not sure what she felt for Commander Thrawn, except for her fascination for him: his knowledge, his impeccable manners, the fact that he belonged to a completely different world, and he was incredibly handsome and kind. She had liked him almost right away and they had quickly found a common language, well, actually more than one… now that they taught each other. They had a friendly relationship and now suddenly Thrawn asked her if she felt more and, probably, wanted more.

He had suggested that he was interested in deepening their friendship, that he felt a certain attraction to her and that he liked her, and at the same time he had told her that he had problems establishing intimate relationships. A perfect trap for Maris because she was one of those people who liked to help and now she could help him, fix him, prove to him that he only needed the right woman and he would fall in love and that she could be that woman. It frightened her when she realized that this was similar to how her relationship with Dubrak Qennto had begun. Maris had a weakness for such men, tormented… broken… different.

The only thing that did surprise her was the fact that she had fallen in love with Thrawn - if that was the right word to describe her feelings towards him - before knowing about his troubles. That she had fallen for someone who was, at least at first glance, perfect: A handsome officer, a great commander and an alien on top of that. Somewhere, in the back of her head, she heard her mother's voice, saying that he was “out of her league“, and that she was making a fool out of herself by falling for an unreachable man, like having a crush on a teacher. Perhaps it was this line of thought that was to blame for disregarding her feelings towards the Commander in the first place, because, in her opinion, those feelings could never truly threaten her relationship with Dubrak. She simply couldn’t believe that such a man could ever be interested in someone like her…

Yeah, she had complexes. And that was why she had never broken up with Qennto - she was afraid to be alone. She rather expected that at some point they would part, being tired of each other, or that maybe one of them fall for someone else... Now that she thought about it, she had actually told Qennto once that she wouldn’t be angry if he were to fall in love with someone else. There were so many women that were a lot more attractive than she was! The only thing she wouldn’t forgive her boyfriend was if he would cheat on her. If he had someone besides her and would start treating her like a "wife" to whom he thought he could always return. That was just not right. You couldn't love two people at the same time! And if you didn't love someone, you shouldn't be with them.

And that put her in a dilemma because if she was in love with Thrawn, she should break up with her boyfriend, right? That would be the right thing to do. On the other hand, her relationship with the Chiss would go nowhere since he had a fiancé. Bad luck. She should have known that. After all, the best men were always taken or gay. The Commander wouldn't leave his well-born and well-situated fiancé for a smuggler. Risking his career along the line. Not even love would change that. She knew she could never expect that of him or suggest anything like it to him. She wasn't the_ right_ woman for him, unfortunately. In the real world, feelings meant very little.

Thus, she should have denied her feelings towards him, but she didn't want to lie to him either! They were friends, they had promised each other honesty - she had to tell him the truth.

“Yes, I guess I do love you," she said. “But I have a boyfriend and you have a fiancé, and therefore we can’t…”

He interrupted her with a kiss.

He really kissed her! On the mouth! Holding her slightly in place, by the shoulders, and she... Maris realized that she was behaving irresponsibly, reprehensibly, but still she moved closer to him and then climbed on his lap.

It was like some unreal dream. It wasn't supposed to happen, and yet... Thrass had predicted it, had warned her that this could happen. Even Dubrak had felt something and it hadn’t been plain jealousy or excessive suspicion, but somehow he managed to see the danger in beforehand, although obviously he hadn’t managed to eliminate it. It felt almost like a holonovel: when the whole galaxy was against their relationship, the protagonists just had to be together.

Yes, she probably shouldn't have confessed her feelings to Thrawn. Nevertheless, the fact that he had answered her confession with a kiss meant that he reciprocated her feelings; that he loved her too!

“Do you want more than kisses? Here? Now?”

More? Of course she wanted more: more kisses and more closeness. But was she ready to do it right here on the couch? Admittedly, she had secretly wished for a great romance, but Maris was also old enough to know that reality seldomly cared for her wishes. Well, she would have like to date the Chiss first for a couple of times before….Well….

Even their first kiss hadn’t been how she would have imagined it! Never mind their not so romantic love confessions. Still, it had been very welcome and now had let to this already unambiguous situation.

“What are you waiting for?” Maris said then. ‘We might not get another chance to sleep together.’ she added in her mind. And that was the bitter reality.

He took her face in his hands, looked her in the eyes and said:

“It is so beautiful.”

For a moment, she didn't know what he was talking about until he added:

“This feeling. So clean. I do not want it to extinguish all of a sudden. You see, I could... disappoint you.”

“What? Lack of experience in bed?” she joked. “Or with Human women?”

He smiled slightly, as if he wanted to assure her that they would somehow deal with their differences, but then he looked like he had suddenly remembered something that caused him pain.

“Maybe love is for people like you.” he said. “Idealists. You loved your boyfriend until you saw his flaws; or until someone else made you realise that no man should treat you like this.”

He sighed.

“And what will I do when you stop loving me? This is the first time I have met a woman whom I like and who does not live by Chiss rules and whose feelings, plans and dreams I cannot guess. You can go whenever you want to; wherever you want to.” he smiled. “I feel like you are only here for a moment, like you will disappear any moment. And you will be the one who leaves me. Perhaps because I am not good enough for you, I cannot talk about feelings like Thrass can, I am not an idealist, I cannot imagine things that will never happen, instead... I apply a task-based approach to most things. When I cannot see a goal, when my actions become routine, I cannot stand it anymore. And if love becomes routine… perhaps I cannot love anymore. I have many duties to my family, to the navy, to the Chiss and I do not wish to add marital or pseudo-marital duties to that…”

He looked into her eyes and then said:

“There are so many rules in my society: who you can go out with, who you should go out with and then there are those you should not even talk to. Unless you are lucky enough to find the right person right away, you will break these rules, but it leads nowhere. No matter how exciting it is.”

“Those girls you were with.” she said, “They wanted to be with you. I guess for them it was more than a fleeting affair?”

“Let us say, those were unions suitable for my social position at the time.” he replied. “I was able to choose, yes, from among the girls in my community. I could have married one and become an ordinary, grey citizen. But I dreamed of serving in the military, on a space ship. To realise this dream, I had to join one of the larger families. There are, of course, certain consequences to that decision.”

“A fiancé from a great house.”

“Yes. But bridal vows are not the same as marriage. I can only get married when I am in the right position and when I can guarantee my family's safety.”

She nodded her head and then, suddenly, she realized:

“Which you never plan to achieve.”

He squinted his eyes a little and looked at her as if her words had offended him somehow.

“I work for my position in the fleet," he said, "and I plan to go high, not through connections, but by proving my worth. I would like to become an Admiral in the future, like Ar'alani.”

Her eyes widened. _Ar'alani was his role model? A woman?_

Thrawn saw the disbelief on her face and then added:

“You probably think the prospect of cutting family ties in the navy is what motivates me. That it is an honourable way out of this hopeless fiancé situation: to devote yourself entirely to the navy. But to tell you the truth, it's just an additional benefit. I really like my job.”

“No, it's not that.” Ferasi shook her head. “I’m just surprised that you hold Admiral Ar'alani in such high esteem.”

The Commander smiled at her words.

“You do not know her as well as I do. She is an excellent Commander and a great strategist. It is an honour to serve under her command.”

“Do you want to be like her?” she couldn't hide her scepticism. “Or do you want to outdo her?”

His smile widened and his eyes flickered with joyful bright flashes.

“Every pupil wants to surpass his master," he replied. “To catch up with Ar'alani, and to eventually surpass her, that is a real challenge.”

He blinked at her and with that signalled her how much he liked the idea.

“You'll make a great Admiral.” she assured him and then noticed that her words gave him great pleasure. He leaned down and kissed her again, slowly and tenderly. From that kiss alone she felt dizzy.

“How do you do that?” he asked her a moment later. “How do you make me feel happy when I am with you?”

She stroked his cheek.

“Maybe it's love.” she suggested.

He wrinkled his forehead as if such an eventuality worried him.

_Was he afraid of that feeling? Or did he just not believe in it?_

“Would that be enough for you?" he asked in an uncertain tone. “My love? If I would offer you nothing more than the assurance that you will always be special to me? While knowing that you will never be my official girlfriend, my fiancé, my wife?”

“I know that will never happen.” Maris replied, hiding her regret somewhere deep down in her heart. “Even if you wanted to.”

She bit her lower lip - hard. Maybe she shouldn't have said the last sentence out loud, but... she had, and Thrawn didn't deny it, didn't tell her what she wanted to hear so very much: that for her he could make an exception.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

She felt like she was in heaven when his elegant, blue hands unbuttoned her shirt. From time to time, Thrawn looked at her blushing face as if he wanted to ask her: _"Maris, do you really want this?”, _but thankfully he refrained from saying these words out loud, his and her doubts, to not spoil the magical moment.

And that indeed it was: they were sitting on a large couch and through a huge window they could look far into space, gaze into the darkness and at flickering points, guessing whether they were stars or spaceships flying by, somewhere in the distance. Well, she could guess, Commander Thrawn probably knew. He knew so many things, like where exactly they were at the moment, and to him the only alien thing here was her, Maris Ferasi. Whereas for her, everything was new, different and fantastic. This ship. The Chiss. _Thrawn..._

She felt like she was dreaming a beautiful dream, and that was probably also why she held the commanding officer so tightly: to make sure he was real. When the Chiss took off her clothes: at first her shirt and bra, then her shoes and trousers, together with her underwear, Maris lay down on the soft couch, and for a second an unpleasant thought ran through her mind: _“Just like this? Sex on the couch? Here?”_ But quickly she pushed the thought away and watched the commander undress: He was fast, but not carelessly so, while he confidently undid every button and every buckle of his black uniform. Maris smiled and bit down on her lower lip, as each newly bared part of his blue body brought pure delight to her. She swallowed and her heart was beating faster and faster until it became hard to breathe.

“Are you nervous, Maris?” Thrawn asked in his low, melodic voice.

She smiled shyly at him, embarrassed.

He answered with a warm smile.

“This is my first time with a Human.” he told her. “So far I find it…” for a moment he was looking for the right word in his mind before he finished: “…quite fascinating.”

She giggled, partly out of amusement, partly because she was nervous. Extremely nervous.

“I’ve slept with aliens before.” She confessed and then swallowed. “I mean with members of a different species. But you…”

She found it hard to express herself without getting mixed up. Thinking clearly had become harder.

“You look so Human.” She shook her head and smiled. “If it weren’t for your skin colour and those eyes. And…”

He sat down on the couch, at her feet, and looked at her with curiosity.

“What?”

She looked at him and ran out of breath again.

“You're beautiful.” There it was. She had said it. “Err…sorry. I mean handsome… No, actually, the word “beautiful" fits quite well. I mean, you look like a statue, you know? Perfect muscles and size …”

She pointed with her hand at his muscles and when she looked at his face, she saw that he was silently laughing.

“In other words, you like what you see.” he said after a while. “That's good. That's very good.”

He leaned down and kissed her calf, before sharing his observations with her:

“You have very soft skin. Very smooth.”

He looked at her, and in his eyes something like anxiety shone.

“Is there reason to fear I might crush you with my weight?” he asked. “Perhaps you would like to be on top?”

“No.” She said. And then, a little confused, added:

“Not the first time.”

Then the anxiety she had seen in his eyes before now gave way to joyful sparks.

The Chiss then moved further up on the couch and slowly, carefully, covered her body with his and it was then Maris felt the weight he had been talking about. She was virtually immobilized now and could only embrace her partner and spread her legs to give him better access... but that was all.

She contemplated the features of his face for a moment and then asked:

“Could you kiss me again, please?”

He smiled and then granted her wish.

It was a sweet kiss that calmed her down and at the same time intensified her lust. She wanted Thrawn more than ever before. Their hips were rubbing against each other as they deepened their kiss, and at some point Maris felt that their current proximity was not sufficient, so she interrupted the kiss, not without a little regret, and whispered:

“I want you inside of me.”

“Yes…”

A moment later, he immersed his hard masculinity deep inside her hot, pulsating depths. What a glorious feeling. In a slow rhythm he then tamed her body, stroking the damp walls of her vagina, not too quickly, just…right. He took his time and didn't care at all about the fact that they had sex in broad daylight, on a couch, in between his usual duties as the ship's Commander. He seemed not to worry at all that someone might accidentally enter this room and caught them, quite literally, in the act. Was the door locked? But even if it was, there was probably an emergency override code. Somewhere between his things lay his communicator. What if they called him and he didn’t answer? Would the person on the other side start to worry? Send someone to check that everything was alright? Or, worse, might that someone get suspicious that the Commander and she did something inappropriate?

She tried not to think about it, but... it was difficult – to forget that they shouldn't do this, that Thrawn had a fiancé and that she had a boyfriend. At the same time, they both wanted to taste this forbidden fruit, and it had been her, Maris, who, bolder than ever, had suggested that they should not hesitate and let themselves be carried away for a while.

If it had been someone else, anyone else, she wouldn't have been so reckless. She had known Thrawn for only a short time and what she had learned about him so far, shouldn’t have encouraged her to sleep with him. On the contrary: She should have told him _“No, we can’t”._ Just like Thrass had wanted her to do. That would have been the right words, which she _couldn't _say and also didn't _want _to say. She wanted this blue man like no-one else before, she had long for this, dreamt of this and if this would be their only time, so be it. She knew that if she had said _“no”_, she would have regretted it more than a one-night-stand, which, undoubtedly, would send her right into oblivion.

They had no future ahead of them, but could any soldier truly promise such a thing? Thrawn’s life was a dangerous one and he could die at any moment. In a space battle or because of an accident…What if the machines on the ship stopped working properly? A good Commander always goes down with his ship… There were so many potential dangers in his life and thus it was more than easy to understand why the Commander took the opportunity to be with her, why he lived the way he did and why he was afraid to bind himself to someone permanently.

She remembered when he had told her that he, as a commander, shared the fate of his subordinates. What it really meant was that he couldn't escape the danger, that he too had to face it. Her heart had jumped in her chest back then, but she had hidden her fears and had only said: _"be careful"_ when he had put on his protective suit and helmet, in preparation to board a slave hunter ship. If they would be together - if they could ever be together! - Maris would die of fear every time Thrawn would do a thing like this. She would be afraid to lose him.

She cuddled up to him, enjoying his proximity and his warmth. Then she looked up at him, into his lovely red eyes, enchanted, hypnotized. The mattress was bending underneath them. Maris had experienced a similar sway once during a riskier flight manoeuvre of their ship, but here and now she felt safe in the Chiss' arms. Sometimes she had felt like she missed something in her life, unsure about what the missing part was, now she knew - it was _him_. _Thrawn. All of him. __Who he was and what he was doing._

“Maris” she heard his sensual whisper above her.

He accelerated, but did not lose the precision of his movements: each stroke seemed perfect to her, and at the same time stronger than the previous one. Quiet moans escaped her lips when the thrill of pleasure and pain crushed through her body.

She was out of breath and maybe that was what made her dizzy. Clumsily she mumbled something incoherently. She opened her eyelids to see his face in front of her, his vigilant gaze focused on her and then she realized that Thrawn was looking at her, had been looking at her all the time, his thoughts didn’t leave her for a second, in his mind he wasn’t somewhere else or with someone else, but he was with her, Maris. Her blush probably became more severe as one strange, illusive thought entered her mind, namely that Commander Thrawn could love her - an inconspicuous smuggler, a nobody. That she, Maris, could be beautiful in his eyes.

He smiled at her, understandingly and answered with a flash in his eye: "Maris..."

This single word contained more than a love confession: pure worship.

“Thrawn”, she answered.

Her shallow, intermitted breathing distorted his name, so she immediately called out again, this time louder:

“Thrawn.” 

He closed his eyes with satisfaction and then focused on ending it.

For a fraction of a second, Maris became afraid. Maybe they should have used protection - but none of them had planned to have sex this afternoon and had carried a condom around _"just in case”._ Ferasi didn’t worry so much about pregnancy as she used hormonal contraception, she had a boyfriend after all. But what about diseases? Perhaps there were things that were harmless to Chiss and deadly to Humans? Unfortunately, these thoughts came a little late, as they were already in the process of intercourse. But if there was such a danger, the Commander surely would have said something. Or it was so obvious to him that he did not feel the need to talk about it? Anyway, it was done and she had to trust him - just as he had to trust her to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.

She trembled when a pleasant warmth filled her. Then she closed her eyes and Thrawn slowly, gently slipped out of her, before he sat down on the couch, still breathing heavily.

He looked down on Maris, who was still laying on the couch.

“Is that what you wanted?” he asked.

“Yes," she whispered, but without much conviction.

The Commander raised an eyebrow.

“In my case, this is what love looks like," he said with some bitterness. “I cannot give you more than this and the promise that in these few minutes when we have sex, you are the most important thing in the galaxy for me.”

He took his eyes off her and looked out of the window, into the cosmic void.

“It makes me feel like I’m fighting death," he confessed. “As if ever breath that I take, every move that I make is my last one... But I’m not afraid because someone is with me… You are.”

She got up and sat next to him. After a moment of hesitation, she reached out to him and squeezed his hand.

“I’ll always be there for you.” she promised. “That's what love is.”

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

There was one thing that still bothered her.

"Mitth'raw'nuruodo?" Maris asked quietly.

"Yes?"

He was just closing the last button of his black uniform and already looked like a perfect officer and a respected commander again. Even when he simply stood still, straightening himself out, he was creating an aura of authority around him, and it seemed then that she should neither argue with him nor question his decision. Her instinct told her to trust him. If he already held the rank of a commander, he certainly knew what he was doing. He didn't act on a sudden impulse, he didn't take risks without need or reason. And yet he slept with her. Without protection...

"It's just, you didn't even ask if I'm on hormonal contraception, if I have an implant, or if I'm sick or something..."

"Are you?"

She made a face.

"Maris?"

"I'm not sick," she said then, a little angry that those had been the only words that had reached him. "Wonderful. Now you're worried that I might have infected you with something. Or you me."

"I'm not." The Chiss replied. "You would have told me, and if there had been a problem, we would have found a solution."

"I guess so…But, I was thinking…. You see, where I come from, people often don’t talk about it, but do use some form of protection - just in case."

He mumbled something with disbelief and, perhaps also, with disapproval, and then walked over to his desk and took out a datapad from the top drawer. Then he went back to her and sat down next to her on the couch.

"The results of my last medical checkup," he said impassively, handing her the electronic device.

She looked down at a lot of new and yet unknown words in Cheunh. It was probably medical terminology.

"I don't understand a word." She said.

He then moved closer to her and started to translate the different parts of the document. Ferasi finally interrupted him, impatient.

"Stop. It's just - we belong to two different species." she reminded him. "Germs, which are harmless to one of us, can be lethal to the other, and besides... you said yourself that, theoretically, our species can cross. Well, I am on the pill, after all, if a woman gets pregnant it’s usually her problem to deal with. But…as I said…we...I don’t know…"

He looked at her over the screen as if she had said something totally scary.

"You're not getting pregnant," he said in a tone slightly sharper than normal. "My people... have quite radical views on reproduction."

He rolled up his sleeve and showed her a lighter piece on his blue skin.

"All members of the ruling Families have bio-implants which cause periodic infertility," he explained. "The removal of the implant is part of the wedding ritual. This way, the Council of Families controls who reproduces with whom and who can pass on his or her genes. It ensures the best results."

"It's..."

She wanted to say "cruel", but Thrawn, tilting his head slightly, finished with:

"....scientific."

"And you agreed to this?" she asked, surprised. "Well, I guess it makes sense from a purely biological standpoint. And it's pretty convenient that you can sleep with whomever you want before the wedding without being afraid to suddenly lose your freedom?"

"Lose my freedom?"

"Yes, if you have a child ... There are a lot of things you have to give up ... Life is different then."

Thrawn wrinkled his eyebrows.

"Why?"

Maris became a little nervous.

"Because you have to raise the child, of course!"

"Oh."

He was looking at her again with both fascination and frustration.

"The Chiss raise their children collectively," he informed her. "There are also people who specialize in it."

"Are you talking about baby-sitters? Teachers?"

"Yes."

"What about the parents? You and Thrass... you do have a father and a mother, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. However... we no longer maintain close contact with them."

"But... why?" Maris asked, a little worried.

"Thrass and I were adopted." Thrawn reminded her. "It wouldn't look good if we were still clinging to our past lives."

She twisted her head.

"But... don't you miss your parents?"

He sighed hard.

"No more than other elements of my childhood," he answered.

"I find that hard to believe," Maris said. "It's not so easy to cut the bond between a child and its parents."

"Really? Where are yours then?"

"I don't neglect them." She started to defend herself. "I visit them on Corellia as often as I can. And I'm always at home at New Year’s Day.”

"But they don't know you're here," Thrawn said. "Or what you do. If you decided to stay here, they would never know."

"That's not true," Ferasi protested. "I would tell them, write them. So they don't have to worry about me. And to let them know that I miss them."

"Do you miss them?"

"Of course! All the time," she confirmed. "I even have a picture of them in my cabin. I can show it to you if you want..."

Before realizing how inappropriate this kind of invitation was, and what it most probably implied, Thrawn replied:

"I would love to see it."

She blushed slightly.

Wonderful. So they had a date. And although Maris was happy that the Commander probably wanted to see more than the picture, she also realized that they shouldn't be too public about their new relationship. They couldn't lock themselves in her bedroom for too long - even if nothing were to happen in it, gossip would start circulating, and Dubrak would become jealous... and it was hard to tell what he would do then. He wouldn't be able to physically hurt Thrawn, but he could break up with her and abandon her here, in the Unknown Regions, with the Chiss. Would she be able to handle herself then? And would Thrawn help her somehow? She did not know the answers to these questions and did not want to receive them in this way.

Qennto was troublesome, but not a real threat, and Maris didn't care about Car'das' opinion. The Chiss, on the other hand, - the representatives of Thrawn's family and Admiral Ar'alani - could very well punish Thrawn for having an affair with a Human. He had broken his word to them. He had, after all, betrayed his fiancée. Although he did not love her and the marriage was arranged, he should be faithful to this noble Chiss woman, whose hand he "sought". He had to stay true to his oath and do the honourable thing... even if he were to fall in love with someone else.

Ferasi wasn't naive enough to think they could run away together, on some ship, and then... work as smugglers...or settle down on some distant planet....No. They couldn't even have children unless Thrawn found a way to remove the implant. But would he want something he had never known - a family? Would he know how to be a father when he had no contact with his biological parents?

She quickly pushed the unrealistic dreams of blue children away. Children as smart as Thrawn and as curious about the universe as she was. It was stupid even to think about it! They had only slept together once, and she already started imagining their future together! Ridiculous!

All this talk about parents made her long for her family and Corellia. Maris sighed. She would love to visit her parents again - and to introduce Thrawn to them... They would certainly like him. Her mother would be overjoyed to see that she had finally found the right man.

Except that Thrawn, unfortunately, could never be that man. He would have to leave the EDF for that - abandon what he loved - and probably live the life of an outcast in the Republic. Alone among Humans. Ferasi didn't want him to suffer that fate. For that she loved him too much... and therefore felt the pain that came with the acceptance that they would never be together. Yes, she would protect him from any misfortune.

**TBC**


End file.
